Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Al.
I have been in my daughter’s life ever since she was born. Her mother and I were already separated shortly after she was born. She was my first born, my joy. I had to fight in court just to see my daughter from day one.
Her mom is very bitter. I believe it came from her father not wanting to know her and her twin sister at all. They do have a relationship with the paternal grandmother. I believe my daughter’s mother wanted her to grow the same way.
Her mother felt that she herself was ok without a father so my daughter didn’t need one. My daughter’s maternal grandmother didn’t have a father. In fact I was the only man around when I was married to my daughter’s mother. I have had to fight in court for contempt etc, and to my daughter I was the problem for calling the police or taking her mother to court. My daughter’s mother only respected that I was my daughter’s father on a few occasions, if my daughter was misbehaving in school etc.
I have remarried and had a second daughter (8 yrs) and gained a son(15). I feel my daughter didn’t have a place here. I have heard and recorded her mother telling her I don’t love her only she does. My daughters mindset was to cut me off.
When my daughter was bought a cell phone by her mother, she was told I can’t speak to her on it because I didn’t pay the bill. When I bought her a pre paid phone, her mother hid the chargers (we later found out). I put her on my sprint plan, but as usual my daughter was made to feel bad or embarrassed about speaking to me on the phone. So I still didn’t speak to her unless her mother made her speak to me if her mother wanted something. On different occasions her mother was verbally abusive to me and my wife in picking her up and when we record what is happening it upsets my daughter because it is proof.
I am a very strict dad. I don’t stand for disrespectfulness. Eye rolling, hands on the hips and back talk. I have never in my life spanked my kids. I might have talked them to death. I recently had my daughter write papers on , internet respect, teenage pregnancy, the importance of a relationship with God. My daughter would tell me on different occasion her mother would slap her or pinch her for being disrespectful. I would tell my daughter don’t be disrespectful and you won’t have to wonder when would be the right and wrong time. There is no time to be disrespectful.
Her mother tried to take me to court once based on the fact that I made my daughter write 500 times. I will not be disrespectful to my mother and father. In which my daughter wrote 94 times.
I am very emotional about our relationship. I have been an advocate for fathers to get their children and be a significant role in their child’s life.
In the last couple of months my daughter has expressed she doesn’t want to come over anymore. I know her mother is still filling her head with the unimportance of coming over and having a relationship with me. Since she has been rejecting me, our relationship has been so distant. I have to admit I have become resentful because of the rejection. I kept trying to make it right between her and I and have made appeals to my daughter for us to make it right.
Recently, I had an argument with my daughter but it’s to the point my daughter doesnt want to come over anymore. I spoke to my pastor and he told me not to force my daughter to come over. My daughter explained to me on the last night she was here, which was about a month ago, ( in my words) she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have noticed in the past her mother will shun her and I can see that being hard on my daughter being she was over her mothers house 60% of the time.
Not sure what to do, if I force her, she will reject me, if I call the police and court, it is a problem, it’s like what I tried so hard to achieve and being in my child’s life it has crumbled on me and her mother has finally gotten her way‚Ķfor her daughter to hate her father. I feel like everything I tried was wrong. Do I just wait, to see if my daughter would one day return? My daughter is about to have a middle school promotion and I want to send flowers to the school, just to let her know I love her and I’m still there.
