Looking on the positive side, many daughters whose parents divorced …

Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Sarah Best.

Looking on the positive side, many daughters whose parents divorced when they were as young as ten have only a distant relationship with their dads a decade on. Even if it seems she only lives with you out of convenience, the fact she chose to still means you have obviously done a lot right over the years (bearing in mind that she is still transitioning out of adolescence, with its characteristic self-centredness and lack of perspective).

Are you able to speak to your ex about her conduct? Poisonous remarks about you will not be helping your daughter, and will be all the more damaging to her if she is, as your comment implies, struggling with her mental health.

Would your daughter agree with that assessment, do you think, and if so would she consider alternatives to anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication? For example, there is no drug on the market that can improve mood and mental stability as dramatically as correct nutrition can.

Correct nutrition means eliminating foods linked to depression and anxiety (including gluten and refined sugar in all their forms) and identifying and treating any nutritional deficiencies. A number of nutrients are especially critical for mental health and they include vitamins B12 and D, magnesium, choline and the omega-3 fat DHA. Something else all of these nutrients share in common: deficiency in them is at epidemic levels.

As you observed, only your daughter can make the changes she needs to fix herself. But she lives with you and your wife, and going by what you write, it might be time to set some stricter boundaries about what is and is not acceptable behaviour under your roof. My experience of hearing from girls and women who have challenging relationships with their dads prompts me to add this though: are you certain she knows you love and accept her unconditionally, and that she feels heard by you? Many dads assume they have communicated these things to their daughters but they haven’t done it in a way their daughters understood. Putting that right can be nothing short of miraculous.

Sarah Best Also Commented

So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Nina,

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Yes, it is devastating to miss the love of a father.

And it’s not made any easier by the fact that this is so little talked about and understood.

But for what it’s worth, in the four years since I began writing about this topic I’ve heard from SO many women who feel just as you do.

That’s why I started my free email series on the father-daughter relationship, which is designed to answer the very questions you posed, and which I see you’ve signed up for. I hope you’ll find it helpful.

Thanks again for the share.

Sarah x


So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Justlin,

Thank you so much for sharing all of that. I hear you and for what it’s worth, since I started writing about this topic four years ago I’ve heard from many women in similar situations who feel just as you do. That’s why I started a free newsletter, full of info and tips for women who are dealing with a challenging, painful and/or non-existent father-daughter relationship.

If you’d like to receive that you can sign up here.

Sarah xo


So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Lynn,

Are you signed up to receive my (free) Father Daughter Factor emails ‚Ä쬆those are ALL about healing the relationship and one of the topics I’m going to covering soon is the very one you asked about: “at what point is it okay to cut ties and say enough is enough?” You can sign up here.

Sarah xo


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