Hey Sarah, I just had a traumatic experience. Unlike many here, …

Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Memon.

Hey Sarah,
I just had a traumatic experience. Unlike many here, my father is a very loving person. Although he doesn’t actually say he loves me, i can see love in all his actions. He has high temper, and never had close relationships with any of my other siblings. My eldest sister suffered the most. My dad had gone through a very tough life in his past which has made him the way he is. He is very sensitive but keeps his feelings hidden.
I am the youngest in the family and he has always loved me. My sister has been going through a serious disease since the past ten years, and this has negatively impacted our whole family of six. I never had a good relationship with my mother, because she was always too busy with my sisters illness. She has been verbally abusive to me loads of times, and i am extra sensitive so I have always taken her words to my heart and cried in private all the time. I still love her very very much. Today, my dad was over stressed and he said things to me that he has never used for me in all my life. I am 21. I went through a shock. I couldn’t take the reality of things. He cried too. Finally i came out of the shock and he apologized. But i still cannot forget those words. I feel like they have shattered everything. He is the person that i have loved most in my life. I cannot stop my tears even after we settled it all. I feel like i can never trust a man again. He broke my heart. I never took my mother’s abuse to my heart like this. But now i actually feel all those things that my dad used for me. Can i heal? I have lost trust on my brothers and my fiance too just because of this ordeal. I have never felt this traumatised before in my life. Help me please.

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So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
I would like to add that i have never seen my dad cry like this. I have never actually seen more than a tear or two in his eyes, that too extremely rare. But this time it was like he broke down. He is a heart patient. My mom, sister and elder brother are abroad for my sister’s surgery. So i took the whole responsibility of my house. Cooking, cleaning, everything. I have never worked so much before. I just wanted to create ease for my dad and my brother. But my dad’s words were like daggers on my heart. And it started off as a silly argument between my brother and I. Dad got involved. And i could never have imagined things would turn this way. I still cannot believe my dad could ever say those things to me. It is as if he was a different person altogether. I can’t block out the vision of him saying those things to me before he broke down and cried. I feel like i can never let go of these words. I am getting married in 8 months time. I have always been proud of my dad. Always. Today i am not. I have lost all feelings in my heart for the men in my life. I wish i never lived to see this day.