Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today (part 2) by In√™s Lage.
Hi Sarah! I need some advice! When I was a kid my father was absent the whole time, working, reading the paper or watching TV. But if my brother would do something wrong, even to me, my father would hit him, not to death but enough to traumatize us. We were afraid of our father. He never said to me “I love you”. I remember that once, when I was 4 or 5 I thought “who is this man in the couch?”, and again when I was 9 and I was away from home I noticed I didn’t miss my dad at all. I think he used to, maybe he stills see me as threat, and I know that I used to see him like that too. When a kid I was happy when my father was away, and once he was traveling and that time was the best of my life just me, my mom and my brother.
When I was 3 I saw my father naked, and I think it traumatized me, because I still have the picture in my mind. Because my mother and father used to fight a lot, he would scream at her, so, when I was a kid I thought my father was not treating well my mom, and she was everything for me. I never gave him a card or a draw or a gift that I felt like I wanted to give him. My grandmother used to tell me that my father was stupid, so that didn’t help… And my mother used to unburden, or tell me everything that was bordering her, and she spent her whole life saying that she’s going to get a divorce, but she never did it and when I was little I used to encourage her to do it, so I could have my mom for me and my brother. I am 22 and I have seen that my father is not a monster, he has a good heart and he tries to help and actually I think he has traumas too, but I still reject him and I still don’t trust him… Maybe I still didn’t forget him, if I have to do it, I don’t know… So hope you can help me because I wanted to solve this out. As you said in your article, the guy I like I usually think that he would never like me because I am too inferior, or just because I’m not enough for him…
What can I do?
Thank you very much in advance! Greetings from Portugal!
Inês
