Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Myra.
Father’s Day has always been one of the most difficult days for me. My father and I have never had a relationship. I was always the one who seemed to be the guinea pig when it came to what I was able to do growing up. Being the oldest never meant I got to do things that bonded me with either parent. It meant my suffering for my younger siblings to have things easier when they turned my age. I am now almost 40, divorced and remarried and still estranged from a relationship with my father. I have been learning that after all these years, it was not my fault that I was treated that way. My mother always defending him bc he had a rough childhood… It angered me bc he was hurting me and the older I got the more I realized I’d never get the “I’m so proud of you.” Or “I love you” conversations with him.
Who would have ever thought it would have such an effect on relationships I had with men. The only men I felt I deserved were ones that treated me poorly and belittling me. When I was married the first time, I never got that approval I longed for… After my son was born, the only grandchild to my parents…still the only grandchild to this day..never getting the love from my dad caused me to realize I’ll never be good enough for any man…after divorcing and opening dark doors of my past , I learned it’s not me… I still have hard time.. Several yrs later, I remarried and have been very happy for 2 yrs married. Being treated so well scares me a lot . I’m unfamiliar with how it feels to be loved.
I’m still learning that life is what you make it. I’m learning to cut negative people and it’s been hard bc it’s family.
I love myself and I love my son and I love my husband.
I want some closure to the pain. I want him to see I’m doing well and to love me for me. But I can’t wait around for it.. I have been told to sever the ties…very difficult
