Me, as a deeply abused child by my father and …

Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Marie.

Me, as a deeply abused child by my father and his father (but more by my father), I would actually like to see my father in pain. I don´t think that he suffers from rejecting and abusing me, letting me without any child support (I was 3 times in court with him in my adult age to receive the child support for the past years at all, him hatefully ridiculing me “don´t you have enough money for bread and water ?”)….and many, many other abusive things.

I think my father ( I call him sperm donor, a not wanted one) only thinks that I have to jump for him: he wanted me to write give him a birthday present or write to him on his birthdays when I mentioned that he never did for me (the philosophy is that I as a child had to take care for him, and when I failed, he has the right to mistreat me, it is my fault).

Thus, anything bad that happens to him would be a satisfaction for me.

It was so bad how he abused me and it has had such an impact on my physical and emotional life.

Marie Also Commented

So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Thank you for sharing the comments. I learn that I had been rejected, abused on purpose since an embryo time through all my life, even in adulthood when I wanted to know this man….to name things is the good start on the pathway. 🙂


So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Sandy,
It seems this man is giving you the hot and cold treatment. I experienced it in the therapy being applied on me by the two male therapist, consciously.
I also experienced it from narc mother, but I guess also from the father (who was absent most of my life while living geographically very close). People of “borderline type”, “narcissist” and similar people do it, probably as a form of love bombing and subsequent discard. When he is emotionally unavailable and you pull back, he feels it (I remember my father doing it in my adult age when I was trying to get known him), he is afraid to lose you and tries to love bomb again. It is an ongoing struggle. Promise of emotional warmth, love, validation -all the child and every human being craves for. However, these people are not capable to keep it going on for a long time, and in my own experience I believe that they don´t wont: I was simply not interesting, not giving to them anything enough to give to me (love bomb me)….but they need to string me along.
It is an emotional torture.
All my 20 years of experience with my father who did this to me when I wanted to be contact him and figure out who he was, is the same. No change. The best time for me was no contact (until he loved bombed me again….through guilting me, through keeping me hostage through the death of my grandfather -he did not tell me about him…)…..I believe that it is a conscious behavior of men: they plan the hot and cold treatment. Only they might not feel how it hurts the daughter (or any other women)…because they just don´t care for her.


So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Emma, I am sorry you went through this. I guess that it is fine to hate the father -hate is the valuable emotion, the true emotion to the way this person has treated you. He was not a good father. Actually, he was not father, at all (at least, I would love to hear it, to be validated in my own horror-experience).

I would try to learn about self-compassion as a second step.

I also have an abusive father….verbally and emotionally, financially, socially. He contributed to the abuse being done on me by mother figures. He left when I was 5. I guess it has saved my life. One abuser less. Nevertheless, the abuse contributed to a deep injury in form of PTSD and physical sickness at a young age, not talking about my relationship with men (I met abusers everywhere: romantic relationships, doctors, psychotherapists, educators).

I literally hide myself from any men, I cannot come in closer contact with anyone…as I tend to attract only abusers and I cannot recognize them until it is too late. I am not sure whether I will get out of it ever (as I also suffer from the maternal abuse), but I hope….through these articles to see what a good father means and what I was missing.

I am scared of men. I want to thrive in my life and I am scared that when I meet any more abusers I will not survive it anymore. (after the abuse in psychotherapy followed by 4 year romantic relationship with a mental, emotional abuser where I luckily escaped from, I fell sick …..my body just could not hold all the hyper-criticism, shaming, blaming me, attacking my being, forcing me to jump through hoops for them, the love bombing, the gaslight, the discard…..the rejection, and again the love bombing.).

What is written in this article is like a text from another planet: where are these fathers, such men? I never met any men who validated me (mentally, emotionally, socially) (my father is borderline I guess, his father was sociopath), who knew who I was (I don´t know it myself). I try to be on no contact (but the abusers try to get to me, but it does not do me well to be with them). Hate is the true emotion I have towards the father. Disgust as well.