Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Sandy.
I know you published this years ago. But so timely. I’ve kind of known this. But the degree that the pattern of bonding has affected my relationship with men and ability to let go of emotionally inconsistent behaviors has just hit me with greater awareness. In the same evening, my dad can critique my choice of jobs, moralize my struggles to find myself as having a lack of faith in God and therefore lack of wisdom, then when I get visibly upset, state he has said nothing offensive, and then hug me and tell me loves me warmly.
If he was just truly emotionally unavailable or distant, at least I could just wall myself off. But the inconsistency and his outward warmness and moments of sweetness make it very hard to know where the boundaries should start and end. It mirrored a situation with a man I ended because of his emotional inconsistency a month ago… telling me he didn’t want a relationship but drawing me in and showing me emotional warmness and kindness just when I was ready to move on. What now?
