Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Linda.
My father/parents always provided financially and didn’t abandon us (children). Yet, emotionally and socially he had NOTHING to give. One time I told him that, and he just said nothing and never changed or cared to. Whenever I accomplished something, he would always say something to try and cut me down; (or) he would take credit for it by saying it was something he did. If others told me I was beautiful, he would chime in saying, “Don’t give her a big head.”. He would try to find something about me to mock, or tell me I was a non-entity (Can’t believe someone would say that-especially a parent) since I’m accomplished and a contributor to society. Yet, he was nice to strangers! Yet, he would crave connection and wonder why he didn’t have that. I don’t think he ever loved me as an individual, but saw me as something he could brag about or use for company, etc. to meet his needs. Don’t know if he was capable of emotional love, but just feared being abandoned. As an adult, I realized there was something missing. I stopped looking for approval from him and found approval within myself by my own abilities. I tried to figure out why he was like this. Why he wouldn’t like his children to have a strong emotional base.? Not that you have to lie and falsely encourage, but just to support and try to make your children feel accepted and strive to be better. I never was able to understand. My only guess was that he was empty inside (maybe due to his own treatment by others or upbringing). I really can’t be sure. He was a smart man who accomplished much in his lifetime. Often I would try to give emotionally to him thinking that that was his issue, but he always seemed needy. At the end of his life, I felt sorry for him.
