Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Kay Jaye.
My daughter has never known her father. When I became pregnant at 34 he told me if you have an abortion I will marry you. His exact words. If you don’t, I will never have anything to do with you or that baby and he never has.
My daughter is now 17 years old. She has not had a positive man in her life. My father her grandfather thinks he has been there, but he has not. He was a lousy father towards me and my two older sisters. He always berated us, and he was always unapproachable. Oh yes, he was in the home.
I agree with everything you say about how poor relationships with fathers can affect a girl’s self-esteem. When I was young I dated a man 10 years older than me. I was 16 and he was 26. We dated for 5 years. I begin doing things that were really bad in terms of smoking pot at a young age and drinking. I know that it is because of the pain I felt because of the lack of real love from my dad. My father was emotionally abusive and didn’t even know it. I often felt like it was better for my daughter to have no man in the house then to have a man who ignored her and only had negative things to say to her.
My 17 year old daughter is now longing for love and a relationship. I keep telling her that she is young and that it will come. She does not want to listen. I know that it stems from never knowing her father. It makes me sad and I don’t know what to say to her or how to help her. I did a good job as a single mother. She has graduated high school and is off to college. She is polite and very smart. She is also sad and hurt, as anyone would be. Her self worth is attached to what men/boys think of her.
I try to tell her that she feels that way because of her never knowing her father. She acknowledges that it is true, but still is “desperate” for love. She does see a psychologist and has for several years, but it is not really helping her with her low self-esteem. She even says she does not have low self-esteem. I tell her when you value your worth by how a man feels about you, you do have low self-esteem. She just gets angry at me.
I am just at a loss. I want to help her heal, but don’t know how. It is so difficult. Obviously, I have my own issues with my father still.
