Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Hailey.
I forgot to mention that my dad has had to fill in both the mother and the father shoes, being that my mom is a bipolar drug addict who abandoned me. So, to have a bond with my father is very important since I did not have the privilege to have one with my mother.
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So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
I have a father who loves me to pieces. We live 2 hours away from each other but talk or text almost every day. He’s always been there for me no matter what. Always driving to my place to fix something in my house or on my car. He’s lent me money and got me out of debt many times (probably about 50K worth). He’s always worried about me and making sure Im ok.
But when we talk, the only three topics we discuss are:
1) the weather (“nice day today” or “its cold so dress warmly” or “freezing rain you better not drive”)
2) he’s making sure I do something ( “don’t forget to do this” or “make sure you do that”)
3) he’s giving me instructions on how to fix something (“you take the drill, but make sure its charged, take the bit, but make sure its the right size” ….by the third sentence Im lost because have no idea what half the words are since its either a tool or a car part)
Those are pretty much the only things we talk about and when we have ran out of things to say its just awkward silence….and this silence happens way too often.
Im emotionally drained. Even though Im so grateful for having such a great dad who loves me and is always there for me, I resent not having a closer bond with him. The lack of meaningful conversations we have, either annoys me, bores me to death, or makes me sad and angry.
I call my dad almost everyday, not because we have so many interesting things to say, but because I feel pressured to. Since he’s done so much for me, the least I can do is call him everyday to show him I love him. But if I don’t give my dad enough attention, he says things to make me feel guilty (“haven’t heard from you in a few days. Where have you been? Too busy with your friends?”).
Another thing is he easily loses his temper on minor things and says condescending comments (His favorite lines are “use your freaken head” or “don’t you have any brains?”)
I love me dad, and the older he’s getting the more I worry about how much time I have left with him. The more I worry, the more frustrated I get thinking about how or father-daughter relationship is so meaningless and robotic.
I want to call my dad everyday because I miss him, not because I feel like its a chore. I feel extremely guilty that I feel this way towards him. Im so ashamed to feel like its a burden to call him every day and listen to him talk about nonsense just so he knows that I love him.
I want us to be closer, but I don’t know how to approach him because he takes everything personally and flips out.
So many people have no father figure in their lives, yet Im here complaining about my dad who would give me the moon. Am I selfish? Am I spoiled?
I can only count a few rare moments where my dad and I have actually connected on an emotional level, where we bonded, had a heart-to-heart, and reminisced of old memories. Those few moments are so precious and priceless to me. I would give up the moon just to have those moments again.
Any advice?
