Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Lesley.
I really really desperately want to heal from all the pain my father has caused me. How can I heal? I am 43, never married, and feel totally unsuccessful with intimate relationships. I tend to push men away and attract needy guys who see me as the strong one. My dad abandoned the family when I was 13 and then moved across America for a job with his new wife, then died 9 months later. I have profound abandonment issues. He loved me dearly and would hate to see me suffer if he was still alive. He was super loving and yet violent, and would beat me once in a while. Deep down I had no doubt that he loved me with all his heart. He was just unable to control rage and would mostly smash objects but would sometimes hit me. My mom was devastated by his affair with another woman and my teenage years were full of drama and mayhem, and her being so angry at him (understandably). I last saw my dad as a 17 year old, emaciated and 75 pounds, dying of cancer. It was the saddest day of my whole life. My mom said we have to go and I never got to see my dad ever again, not even at the funeral. I get so sad about relationships and marriage because it feels so impossible to me, even though I have been in tons of therapy. I have had no addiction problems, no debt, but lots of depression and anxiety. I have tried and tried so hard. I don’t know how to heal this. I miss my dad terribly. It feels like my whole adult life I have been searching for him, and wishing I could contact him in the spirit world. Does anyone else have this experience? thank you.
