Thank you. This is definitely at least 75% about my …

So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi. My boyfriend has some of my father’s neg traits but without the abuse. He’s arrogant (but can admit his mistakes), controlling (but I often like that), not affectionate (but tries), emotionally unaware, and he drinks daily (but responsible and again, nothing like my father’s drinking).

I have become a stronger person dealing with my anxieties that got triggered even though my bf is the “safe version” of father. It has been exhausting but with my therapist’s support I have been able to face a lot of triggers. As I understand, he is a good match because I get to strengthen parts of me that became suppressed out of my fear of my father’s rage.

We of course have our good stuff, I love his mind, sex is good, we have similar values and sense of humor, enjoy similar activiities. It’s important to add that my relationships have averaged a few years. I am usually the one that leaves relationships.

This current relationship, until recently, was the most promising because I believed him to have great integrity (which meant, he was safe, wouldnt lie or cheat, etc.) I still believe in his fidelity but have learned that he does lie to me about his work and also, instead of being direct, he creates dramas to express his own fears of my fidelity (I have been faithful). Anyway, these incidents have all made me now want to run more than ever. And by the way, we’re in our 40s.

I am tired and terrifed of starting over. And I am terrified of staying. I am afraid no one will ever be “safe enough” for me to trust with my heart. I am afraid of my fears keeping me alone forever. I dont have friends for similar reasons, disappointment. I leave. So, I am hoping you’ll say, bf sounds good for me, and afraid you’ll say walk away. Or maybe it’s vice versa. Thanks.