Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Jess.
I am 32 years old…and come from an Asian background with strict social/ religious values. I am the oldest and my father was a workacholic and drank too much in my early childhood. He was abusive to me and my siblings at times and to my mother too. On saying that he is also hardworking and is popular with friends and relatives.
I was sexually abused by a family member in my childhood, who is now dead! It impacted me very badly in my childhood, including difficulty in making friends/relations, performing bad in studies, attract attention for all wrong reasons. So i was labelled the ‘naughty’ child of the family beacuse i could not express the abuse to anyone! This created communication gap between my father and me. I always thought i am to be blamed for any situation, so i kept quite and never explained myself.
In 2005 i moved overseas for further studies, closing all communication lines between my dad and me. My mother tends to understand the tension but would not confront dad..which angers me a lot..! I met a guy here and got married to him which my mother disapproved because he belongs to a different country and religion. I now have 2 children with him, who have never seen their grandparents.
My mom knows the truth but has lied to my dad about my husband background and religion coz according to her it will ‘hurt’ dad and she doesnt want that..which i dont understand too! Also to mention i have lost 22 years old brother in an accident which hit all of us very hard.
Now they are wanting to come and meet me…with dad only part truth about who i am married to…i just dont know what to do…should i just randomly call him up and tell him the truth..what will be the consequences..or should i hold my mother responsible in sheilding things from dad..! Just to mention the childhood abuse episode is still a secret and thats why i am still considered to be the bad fruit of the family tree..!
I want him to know the truth and accept me but there is so much to tell him and justify myself, i just cant find the courage to do it..particularly when i’ve always seen the bad side of his personality…!
One side of my brain tells me to cut off all ties with them and live! But other side tells me that it wont be fair in my kids..coz they deserve their grandpa’s love!
