John, your situation speaks (among other things) to what a …

Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Sarah Best.

John, your situation speaks (among other things) to what a delicate line we parents walk between being fully loving/accepting and also having appropriate boundaries in place. It’s very easy to fall out of balance on that in either direction – all the more so when you and the other parent have divorced.

Your ex is too lenient with her and this forces you into the position of being the one to set the boundaries – not an easy job with a 20 year old. While she’s under your roof it’s important to set them but be sure to show her you have faith in her too, even if you don’t feel she’s earned it.

That’s fantastic news that you’ve ordered the book.

You’re absolutely right that eating disorders are rooted in psychological disorders. Even though the superficial reason she has given is peer pressure, which I’m sure is true on one level, the deeper reason will be a lack of self-love and self-esteem. No girl or woman who truly loves and respects herself would abuse her body in that way. That bulimia is now commonplace is down to the tragic fact that so many do not.

What’s wonderful about this is that as your daughter still lives with you and is still young, it’s quite possible that between you you can get to the root of her lack of self-love and turn it around, before it causes more serious problems down the line. It is unlikely to be easy, but it’s well worth making every effort you can to continue to support her through this.

I don’t know her reasons for refusing the medications, but those may be valid. Medications can and often do cause more problems than they solve, so could it be that she decided as she did because she is aware of that? The consensus among many experts who’ve reviewed the research on anti-depressants, for example, is that they only truly benefit those with the very severest depression. In everyone else, the scientific data shows them to be no more effective than a placebo. Yet this “placebo” comes with a laundry list of negative side effects.

Having discussed this over the years with many practitioners and patients my feeling is that your daughter will get better results combining her therapy with a holistic health regime which would include nutrition designed to balance her blood sugar and brain chemistry, and also regular exercise – nature’s most powerful anti-depressant.

If your budget stretches to it, she would benefit from being guided in this by a medical doctor who is knowledgeable about nutrition. There are also books that lay out the basics – I will suggest some titles which may be of use. I am going to be away with very little internet access from this evening until the end of the week, so if I don’t put those up before I go, I’ll do it when I’m back – and I’d be interested to hear how you go.

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