I really feel for you, Memon. Being on the receiving …

Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Sarah Best.

I really feel for you, Memon. Being on the receiving end of hurtful words from her father is an especially traumatic experience for any girl, or woman. You shared that the words felt like daggers, that they make you feel differently about all men, and that you wonder how you’ll ever trust one again. I can’t tell you how many women have shared similar things with me. If only dads knew the effect they have on us.

One of the distinctions I’ve found most helpful over the years, taken from A Course in Miracles, is that all human behaviour is either an expression of love or a cry for love. That can be the very last thing we think of when someone lashes out at us, so that’s why I think it’s so helpful to really understand this and keep it in mind.

You say that your dad has gone through some very tough times and that he is also now a heart patient. Your family has had to cope with your sister’s illness, and she is now overseas having surgery, accompanied by several family members. You also said you’ve never seen your dad break down as he did the day he said those things to you.

Looking at this from the outside in, I can say that you shouldn’t take what your dad said to you at all personally. It is about him and his pain; it’s not about you. I know that, as a daughter, when you hear words like that from your father it’s impossible to be unaffected; immune. But if there is any level on which you can see that those words were not actually about you at all, there lies the doorway out of this hurt.

I’m also wondering whether you can sit down with your dad and share with him the feelings you’ve shared with us here? From what you write I think he may appreciate the chance to express what was behind the outburst. Also, this was the first time your dad spoke to you like this and opening up to him about the consequences of those words is the best way of ensuring it’s also the last.

It sounds like you and your dad fundamentally have a very good relationship and it may seem impossible now, but it is often through challenges that good relationships grow even stronger.

Sarah Best Also Commented

So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Nina,

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Yes, it is devastating to miss the love of a father.

And it’s not made any easier by the fact that this is so little talked about and understood.

But for what it’s worth, in the four years since I began writing about this topic I’ve heard from SO many women who feel just as you do.

That’s why I started my free email series on the father-daughter relationship, which is designed to answer the very questions you posed, and which I see you’ve signed up for. I hope you’ll find it helpful.

Thanks again for the share.

Sarah x


So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Justlin,

Thank you so much for sharing all of that. I hear you and for what it’s worth, since I started writing about this topic four years ago I’ve heard from many women in similar situations who feel just as you do. That’s why I started a free newsletter, full of info and tips for women who are dealing with a challenging, painful and/or non-existent father-daughter relationship.

If you’d like to receive that you can sign up here.

Sarah xo


So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today
Hi Lynn,

Are you signed up to receive my (free) Father Daughter Factor emails ‚Ä쬆those are ALL about healing the relationship and one of the topics I’m going to covering soon is the very one you asked about: “at what point is it okay to cut ties and say enough is enough?” You can sign up here.

Sarah xo


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