Comment on So you grew up with a dad who didn’t know how to express love? Here’s how it could be affecting you today by Nina.
Thank you for this article filled with compassion. I’m 22 and grew up with a father who supported the family and was there physically, cooked food and all that. I know he really tried to be a “good father”, however he never learnt himself how to show love to your children and he was emotionally very distant.
I became frustrated at his lack of attention and empathy, became a rebel teenager failed one year in school, started drinking and smoking way too early, I guess I just needed some form of attention. Instead he rejected me even more, judged and criticized the things I did and the friends I hung out with. When I developed depression and social anxiety he started criticizing me for having no friends and no sense of humour.
There was no understanding or warmth from his side, while he was one of the main reasons these problems developed in the first place (I was bullied at school for a period of time, which was extremely hurtful to my already low self esteem).
My father and I were constantly fighting, he would put me down every day during dinner, we would end up screaming at each other, I would isolate myself and cry, he never wanted to make up. He totally destroyed my self-esteem, I felt such a strong rejection from him. Today I understand he just didn’t know any better but it has left scars so deep I don’t know how to heal from it.
It reflects in my relationships too, I have very low confidence and don’t believe a man could truly love me. Most men I get with only use me for having sex then they disappear. I know I am responsible for this by my behaviour and my lack of respect towards myself, but I can’t fake being a confident woman proud of herself and who loves herself when my heart at the very core doesn’t believe it.
How can I heal? I find it so difficult. Rationally thinking, I know I deserve love and affection, but I just don’t FEEL it. I am tired of being heartbroken all the time and falling for guys who give me the littlest signs of affection, or even just offer physical intimacy. It hurts my soul. Your article helps to feel compassion and the feeling I am not alone… It’s devastating to miss the love of a father.
N
